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by Ekatarinabeisel76



Series: Drowning [4]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Centered, Character Study, Depression, Gen, Implied Relationships, M/M, episode s03e03 Lana I Ka Moana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-16 11:56:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ekatarinabeisel76/pseuds/Ekatarinabeisel76
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having Danny and Steve back on shore doesn't help Chin very much at all. He's happy about it, or at least he would be, if he was capable of being happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry that it took me so long to get around to posting this, and that on top of that, it's so short compared to the rest of the fics in the series! I know it's angsty and sad, but good stuff comes next, I promise! And the next one just needs one last proof reading, and it's much longer. This has been sitting, finished, on my computer for the last two days; I was sick most of Saturday with a migraine and Monday was apparently AP Murder Day.  
> Alright, that's enough excuses from me!

#025 Search

The process that brought Chin to stand on the pier and wait for Danny and Steve was long and arduously stressful; it started with the small saving grace that Steve had borrowed his uncle’s boat, and ended with a sudden call from a captain in the coast guard. In between were a blood-soaked-shirt, a dead body, and one coast guard member with a nasty-looking black eye courtesy of Detective Danny Williams, from what Chin could piece together.

And what else would Steve and Danny be doing as they walked up to the group of friends waiting for them, but arguing?

“We were fine.” Steve insisted to Cathy as she walked alongside him. “We were lucky to find that boat though.”

“Lucky? We were lucky to find a floating crime scene after being adrift for hours after a boatjacking? You call that lucky?” Danny fumed.

The blonde reminded Chin of an angry cat in his distress. His hair, usually perfectly put together, was askew and had dried flat against his head in some places. His skin was burnt badly in some areas, and his voice was venomous as he refuted Steve’s version of events.

“What about the shark? Tell her about the shark Steven. Tell him about the shark.” Danny prattled on, indicating Chin completely by accident. He had meant to point to any random male, but as soon as he saw Chin, calm and collected on the pier, his mind settled on him and refused to move on to anyone else. 

Chin’s stomach dropped to his feet at the revelation that Steve and Danny had encountered a shark on their adventure. He enjoyed the direct eye contact he had with the disheveled blonde, since he hadn’t seen those perfectly blue eyes since their one night stand at his house a few nights ago. He wanted more though. Looking at Danny and seeing that he was in one piece wasn’t enough for him.   
“Sharks?” he and Catherine both asked in unison, their voices twins of concern and shock acutely focused on Steve.

“A shark. Okay? There was a shark. It was not a big deal.” He insisted.

“Not a big deal? It was a very big deal!” Danny argued.

“I think you two need to spend some time apart.” Chin interrupted. He was entirely serious; Steve seemed to provide Danny with most of his injuries and means of escaping Chin’s company, and they argued like an old married couple. He managed to make it come across as a flirtation though, and he took Danny’s lighter expression as a sign of triumph.

“I agree.”

And Chin took that moment to look for something in Danny’s eyes. He wanted to be confronted with fondness in shades of blue; he wanted to find just the smallest tinge of affection. He did, and in that moment he found it within himself to forgive Danny for leaving that night. It might have hurt him, but as far as Chin could tell from the way Danny’s looking at him, the blonde’s just scared.

It’s another hour before Chin sees Danny again, and he manages to turn bitter self-loathing in to a sport during that time. As soon as a familiar coffee shop reminded him of one happy day spent with Malia, he felt his relief at seeing Danny back on land, safe and sound and within his grasp die away. The spark of hope he had carried for the last few days for something more between them exploded and lit a torch of guilt inside of him.

How could he do this so soon after Malia’s death? She hadn’t even been gone a week and he was already hopping into bed and making plans. He felt deeply ashamed, and then even worse; he hadn’t meant for his question about Adam to spark a conflict with Kono. And then she had left him too, strutted away angrily to be as far away from him as possible.

What was wrong with him?

First Malia, then Danny, and now Kono. How much more could he lose before there wasn’t anything left for him?

The most frightening moment of his life comes when he contemplates letting go of the ledge he’s gripping for dear life. The small amount of purchase he has on the surface of the building is the only thing between him and the end of it all, and for one terrifying moment he considers how easy it would be to just push back against the wall with his feet and let go.

But before he can decide anything, Kono calls out to him from somewhere far away. It sounds like she’s a million miles away from him, but then he sees her face, wide-eyed and frantic, looming above him. She’s not physically strong enough to pull him up, but she take some of his weight for him while he climbs up the wall and back onto the roof, and that’s exactly what she does.

As he drives away with Kono beside him and Gil Scates moaning in pain and cursing them both to high heaven from the back seat, Chin decides that he will never tell Kono what she really saved him from. And it’s partially because he’s not sure he’s been saved at all. He’s also certain that whatever got a hold of him on that apartment building is stronger than he is. He doesn’t know what, if anything, can make the barbed coil of hurt and bitter anger wrapping around his insides go away for good, and the overwhelming weight settling on top of him makes him feel like a fly pinned to the wall.

And for the rest of the day, he never notices how many times Steve’s caller ID lights up as, ‘Max’. To be fair, no one else does either, except for Danny. Danny notices everything; and for a man so commonly underestimated as being less diligent and observant than his colleagues, he’s the only one who notices that Chin doesn’t look at anyone directly in the eyes for the rest of the day, except of course, for him.


End file.
